Strategies for Celebration Gatherings
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For many, this is the beginning of a season of celebrations for Easter, Passover, graduations, weddings, and family reunions. For many autistic individuals, these are both fun and overwhelming. Here are some tips to help neurodiverse families navigate these events.
"But She Wanted To Go"
Adrenaline can feel like excitement or anxiety. Anticipation about "fun activities" like parties, pep rallies, or holidays can feel like "a lot!" You may see the autistic child look hyperative, excited and tearful at the same time, or withdrawing to a safe place. In a youngster, the safe place may be under the table. For the "teen or adult child" the safe place may be in their room, in the car, or outside.
The individual may feel like they "want to go" to the party or event, while at the same time being overwhelmed by the amount of things going on and all the adrenaline in their system.
It's a mistake to make decisions only based on what people feel like doing. I know that sometimes I feel like taking a nap, only to feel worse after. Or I feel like eating all my favorite treats, only to feel horrible for days. We can take into account what someone "wants" and also what their "system needs." This helps us make better decisions for the well-being of the individual (and ourselves). As parents, this also helps us teach our kids the strategy of making these decisions in the future.
A different question might be... "If we do go to this event, what might that look like in order to be successful." Let's talk about ideas below.
Create a Role
A hugely successful strategy for the autistic at any age can be to create a role for them at a social gathering. The individual often feels more settled without having to look around, find a social partner, and try to join in the interaction (whether that's a conversation or a game). A role can also give younger children a break from the high adrenaline, intensity of running around screaming in excitement with other kids.
A role will typically be a "helper role." For example, "Could you be the one to take pictures at this event, because you are so good at that?" Or "Could you take people's coats as they enter the house and put them in the back room?" Or "Could you make a list of the gifts that the guest of honor receives so she can write thank you notes later?" There could be help cooking or setting out food or plates/cups.
Create an Exit Strategy
Rather than getting upset if the person withdraws during an event, we can encourage their self-monitoring and make a plan for escape breaks. This is the room you can go to if you need a break. You can listen to your headphones, read, etc. You may even make a plan for when the breaks might occur or not occur. "You can take a break at any time. It might be nice if you could be there while she blows out the candles though."
Create a Prep and Recovery Plan
Discuss with your family member what might help them feel centered before and after the event. Maybe laying under a weighted blanket in the car on the way to the event would help them feel centered. Make sure there are no draining events before the celebration activity (no hair cuts or dentist appointments just before). Help them budget their energy. After the event, take time to ask people in the family what they need. Recovery should be an active endeavor (purposeful). "I'm going to ride my bike on the trail to help me regroup" or "I'm going to make popcorn and watch my favorite movie under a weighted blanket to recover."
Plan for Food Choices
Many family celebrations center around food. Make sure the individual has access to their own foods rather than having to eat foods that are outside of their comfort zone. They might eat chicken nuggets instead of ham for example. This is a great way to help them preserve their equilibrium. We don't really want them to lose energy because they are eating ham... we want them to keep that energy so they can interact with family in some way, etc.
How do you plan for successful celebrations in your household?